yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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