It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
