happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
