How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
