ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
