Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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