If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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