ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
