In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
