ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
pray to the hookup gods
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I smell like Dick and happiness
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
