Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
