I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
