I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
