I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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