I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
