if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
