No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
