I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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