he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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