His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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