This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
