I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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