On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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