I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I look better un-naked...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
