i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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