how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize