But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
