the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
