You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
