Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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