Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize