The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
