it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
