I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize