porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
