Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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