First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
