my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
