I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Pooping to opera.
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