HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize