if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
