I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
