Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
