OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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