insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
