It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
