this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
