i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
