I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
