Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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