3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
