i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
