So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
