i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
