Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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