I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm way too hungover for life right now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
