Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A+ Viking dick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
