He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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