If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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