Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
