don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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