how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
