I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize