I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
