Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize