i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
