Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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