My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
is it fun? or sober?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
