I just threw up on my dentist
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
