Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
