i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
