My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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