This girl is more easily done than said...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
