Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
