I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize