it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
