Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
