we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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