WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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