he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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