mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
