This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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