I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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