and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize