i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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