P.S. I can't hear my feet
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
