Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
please come you make the beer taste better
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
