I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
