She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
