shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
