this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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