garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
