$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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