So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
