My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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