Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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