how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize