is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
