Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
