I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
