Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
